I hope that one day they treasure pictures like this one. The ones I take with my flash off, catching a brief moment in time that I may not have again. The pictures they don’t know I took. The ones I will look at years down the road and I will cry. I will cry because I’ll remember that day and I’ll remember the moment and I will realize that it was as fleeting as the snow coming down that will melt soon after.
I hope they remember the days where we did nothing at all and forget the frustration in my voice when I tell them to quiet down for the 100th time. I hope they remember the excitement that comes from a snow day because you don’t get those in adulthood. I hope they never take for granted the warm home that they sit inside to watch the snow fall and I hope they give what they can to the person with the cardboard sign and don’t concern themselves with how the person spends it.
I hope they always know how much I love each of them, in separate and individualized ways. They all require their own specific kind of love and I would be lying if I said I had that love all figured out. I hope they never know how many restless nights I had because I was so consumed with thoughts of how much I may have loved one of them wrong that day. I hope they always come to me with their concerns, even when it’s embarrassing or scary.
I hope they know that when they had the flu I still kissed their foreheads and laid in bed next to them. I listened to them cough and I let them watch tv in the middle of the night when they couldn’t sleep. I hope they know they made me laugh and forget the times I was irritable and told them that their joke wasn’t funny. I hope they know that I am madly in love with their Dad. On the days that I love him, but I don’t really like him, I did my best to hide it from them. I hope and pray they someday have a spouse who will do the same for their kids.
I hope they forget the times I raised my voice. I hope they remember the times I apologized for losing my cool. I hope they know that it will always be worth it. Every step of this journey has been worth it and every step in the future will be worth it. I will continue to be a student in each of their abilities. Until the day I die, I will strive to love them in the way they need their Mom to.