Around this time last year we were beginning to share the exciting news of baby number 4. The first response that most gave was, “hoping for a girl?” I understand why they asked. I already had 3 healthy, vibrant, fun boys. I always said, “hoping for healthy.” People usually scoffed at me. As if I could even possibly want another healthy boy.
I decided early on I didn’t want to know what I was having because of those reactions. I didn’t want anyone to see me carrying around a big pregnant belly and playing referee to my three boys and think, “that poor girl is having another boy.”
The powers that be had other plans and on the day of the ultrasound, I caught a glimpse of what I wasn’t supposed to see and this was number 4… I knew what it looked like. I was having a boy! After the ultrasound my husband left and I had a doctor’s appointment and while in the waiting room he text me and said, “I love you so much and I can’t wait to have another baby BOY.” Naturally, I cried. For not even one second did I think that having another boy was anything short of the greatest thing in the world.
I remember late in my pregnancy waddling through Sams Club behind Bobby pushing the cart and the three boys acting like fools and a lady said, “Hoping for a girl this round, I guess?” I responded in the kindest tone I could muster, “being blessed with another boy, actually.” She really didn’t know how to respond and just kept walking.
Fast forward to now. Asher Jude is here and he is a chipmunk cheeked, joyous little guy. He literally brings joy to anyone he comes in contact with. He smiles sometimes even while crying. The sweet boy doesn’t even know how to be sad.
He’s the missing piece I longed for. I prayed for a 4th child and my husband wasn’t on board. I then prayed for God to intervene. I knew I was meant to carry a baby one more time. I knew I was meant to have another child to complete my family. I prayed that God would impress on Bobby’s heart the same desires of mine and if he couldn’t, I prayed he would take away my desire and I would continue to give thanks for my family of five.
After nearly two years spent in that state, I had a husband who was on board! I was one of those women who got pregnant just by thinking about it. I thought for sure once we started “trying”, it would happen in a blink. After about a year, I had already succumbed to the idea that a family of five we were and a family of five we would stay. That was okay by me.
Then I was pregnant and it seemed in a blink, he was here. Now he is just a week shy of 5 months old. His first year of life is going much faster than the other three. Partially because he is so good and it’s been a very easy transition. Another reason is because I’m quite certain he is it. I find myself holding him a little longer and kissing on him a bit excessively. I take in how soft his skin is and how much I love a toothless grin. His hair, his thin perfect patch on red hair. I know it will thicken and grow unruly like the other three.
I don’t want Asher to ever think I wanted him to be anything other than exactly what he is. I’m a boy mom and I believe God destined me in this role. Why God would take a little girl who performed in dance recitals for 15 years and as a young child only wore dresses and skirts and refused to wear pants because, “they hurt my legs” and give her this role is beyond me, but here I am. I am doing this and I think I’m doing as decent job.
When you see me playing referee while carrying my baby boy, don’t for an instant wish I had a girl in the mix. I didn’t want anything in particular other than the honor of being a Mom and I have received that honor, four times.