Yesterday was my anniversary. It has been nine years since our “I dos”. It’s been fifteen years since we first started dating. It’s been eleven years since we became parents. You can put your life on a timeline, easily. You can document different events by the date they happened, but it doesn’t bring the life to that date.
My oldest was born on April 12, 2006. That date doesn’t talk about the months I spent worried about how I would do as a mother or that his father and I weren’t always on the same page. That date doesn’t describe the 50-60 hour work weeks I put in at a nursing home kitchen to make as much money as possible while my boyfriend continued full time in college and worked less than part time at a shoe store. That date doesn’t describe the blood, sweat and tears that went into his birth and the struggle it was to adjust to life as parents when all we had been before was a pair of kids in love.
While September 26, 2008 was the date we married, it’s just a date. It doesn’t describe our marriage. It doesn’t put into words how hard we have worked to make it. It doesn’t talk about living paycheck to paycheck, but being certain our children lack nothing. That date doesn’t describe how much we have changed in the almost decade we have been married. Our family went from three to six and we have a dog now. Our waistlines expanded. Our home went from one city to another. We had to change our current home as well to make room for our fourth and final son. Our hearts have been beat up a bit, but our love for God has grown. I don’t have the date for when God finally knocked down the walls on my heart, but that should certainly be added to my timeline. Once again though, it’s just a date.
Life will continue to be rough because if I have learned one thing, it’s that life isn’t fair. If you’re waiting for it to be fair, you’ll be left broken hearted. Some people will always have it easier than you do. While others will always have it harder than you.
Some people will cheat to gain the world and despite years of choosing the higher road, you never get used to being on it. However, I think you do get used to this life with all its twists, slides, mountains, barriers of all kinds that constantly stand in the way of one’s happiness. I think I have finally accepted that I truly know nothing of tomorrow, but I’ll pray that my timeline continues because I think I’ll always want one more day to try and get it right.