It had been a long day. Actually, it’s been a long summer and as things are winding down and school is about to start back up, I’m feeling more pressure to soak up the last couple weeks, while prepare for the coming year. Finding the time to be everything to everyone means very little time left for me to be me.
On this particular day I had a plan for when the baby went down for a nap. I knew he would sleep for two hours (it’s pretty much a science at this point). I decided to let the three older boys stay home alone with the doors all locked, our ferocious guard dog and the home alarm on. The oldest would have his phone and they probably wouldn’t look up from their iPads the entire time I was gone and maybe not even when I returned. I told them to listen for the baby, just in case and I went to the store A-L-O-N-E.
I didn’t need a lot. It was just a handful of items needed to get us through until the weekend when I could go and get a big grocery order. I am not someone who likes to shop and that includes grocery shopping. However, when I can go alone, it’s glorious. Some may roll their eyes, but that is my time. I get to be alone in the car on the way to and from there. Woo-Hoo! As a “Stay At Home Mom” or as I call it an “Always In My Van Mom”, it’s amazing to be alone in the van. Sometimes I leave my music off and enjoy the quiet, sometimes I talk to God. Sometimes I just try to keep my mind as empty as possible while still paying attention to the road. Sometimes I blare my favorite station and have no shame in singing along to music from high school.
For a brief moment, I’m not a wife. I’m not a Mom of four. I’m not a homeowner with a broken garage door. I’m not a student pastor. I’m not thinking about our medical debt. I’m not worried about how school supply shopping needs to happen soon to avoid the last minute crowds. I’m not concerned with the baby having gone to bed too early, meaning he will probably wake up through the night.
In this brief moment, I’m just Erin, well at this exact moment I’m Lil Jon in the song “Yeah”, Usher needs me to finish the song, obviously. So I sit in my driveway and as I finish my very important part in the song and it wraps up I take the last sip of my iced caramel coffee. I take a deep breath and leave the van. I’d like to be able to unload the groceries before the baby wakes up.